Ultimate Insults!

Verbal Assaults that are Savage, Sarcastic & Brutal!

I hope YOUR WIFE brings a "Date" to YOUR FUNERAL!

If "Common Sense" really is THAT "Common", then why don't YOU have any?

Perhaps if you keep rolling your eyes, you'll discover a brain.

You and "Yeast" have ONE thing in common, you are BOTH "Inbred"!

I wish I could see things from your perspective, but how could ANYONE manage to have their head buried THAT FAR up "Their Ass"?

Isn't it exhausting having to apply makeup on BOTH of "Your Faces" every morning?

You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail!

Have a great day, SOMEWHERE ELSE!

If I had a dog that looked like YOU, I'd "Shave His Ass" and TEACH him to WALK BACKWARDS!

I'm not sure what makes you SO DUMB, but it "Works"!

Everyone has the right to act foolish "At Times", but you are VIOLATING that privilege!

As a source of "Comic Relief", God created people like YOU!

It's EASY for ME keep YOUR secrets secure, I don't pay attention to what "You Say" ANYWAY!

You are evidence of how God can have a TWISTED "Sense of Humor"!

When I saw YOUR face, the only thing I would have "Changed" was the direction I was heading in!

I WOULD say that you're as "Dumb as a Rock", but at least a rock can keep a door open!

Can you see that door? The "Other Side" of it is where I would like YOU to be!

"Jesus" may love you, but "Everyone Else" thinks you're a MORON!

YOU are "Evidence" that people can survive without BRAINS!

You are "Proof" that not "Everyone" was effected by "Evolution"!

It's IMPOSIBLE to "Underestimate" YOU!

You'll get "Far" someday, and when you do, I hope you STAY THERE!

If you have a problem with "Me, then write the problem down on a piece of paper, fold it, and "Shove" it up YOUR ASS!

While it may "Appear" that I am "Listening" to you, I'm ACTUALLY imagining duct tape across your lips!

When I think you can't get any "Dumber", you keep proving me WRONG!

Why is it OK for you to BE a "Moron", but inappropriate for me to "Call You Out" on it?

If my "Expressed" opinions annoy you, you gotta hear the ones that I "Keep" to MYSELF!

You are "So Repulsive" that Kanye West went EAST to escape you!

YOU are "So Ugly" that when you look in the mirror, YOUR REFLECTION "Cringes"!

If "Ignorance is Bliss", then YOU must be one of the "Happiest People" in THE WORLD!

You may be "Two Faced", but BOTH of them are UGLY!

Your ONLY chance of "Getting Laid" would be to crawl up a CHICKEN'S BUTT and WAIT!

Why don't you try something a little more "Relaxing", like a COMA?

Listening to your "Awful Grammar" is ACTUALLY kind of "Funny"!

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine!

I'll never forget how we first met. But I wish I COULD!

Isn't there a BULLET somewhere that you could leap in front of?

Mirrors cannot "Speak", and fortunately for you, they can't LAUGH EITHER!

I lack the TIME, and the CRAYONS to "Properly Explain" this to you!

If I said ANYTHING to "Offend" you it was PURELY INTENIONAL!

What are your thoughts on the "Human Condition", from YOUR "Perspective" as an OUTCAST?

With the "Exception" of EVERYONE ELSE I have met, YOU are my "Favorite Person"!

"Stand By" for a moment, I'm trying to come up with an insult that's stupid enough for YOU to "Comprehend"!

Accidents DO "Occur", after all HERE YOU ARE!

When "You" were born, the doctor should have "Slapped" YOUR MOTHER!

You're not as horrible as everyone says you are. You are FAR WORSE!

I'm NOT a "Proctologist", but I KNOW "An Asshole" when I see one!

Lucky for YOU, there's "No Law" against BEING STUPID!

People tend to get "Emotional" when you're NOT around, and the emotion is "Joy"!

YOU are an "Example" of what happens when CRACK-HEADS have babies!

Don't like MY "Sarcasm", well I don't like YOUR "Stupidity"!

I'd "Insult" you, but then I would have to "Explain" it too, so FORGET it!

I'd KILL you with "Kindness", but I would prefer using a BASEBALL BAT!

It's not necessary for you to "Repeat" yourself, I "Successfully Ignored" you the FIRST TIME!

I can USUELLY remember a "Face", but I'd be happy if I could "Forget" YOURS!

I'd "Offend" you, but I don't think it's possible to go "Low Enough" to "Accomplish" that!

You're like Monday's , NOBODY "Likes" YOU EITHER!

If I "Agreed" with "You", we would BOTH be "Wrong"!

YOU are an example of what can "Happen" as a result of INBREEDING!

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you "Stupid", I thought you ALREADY KNEW that, MY "Bad"!

When I look at you, I wonder where have you been all my life, and could you PLEASE "Go Back"?

How unfortunate, your "Make-Up" has a little bit of YOUR FACE on it!

Oh "So Sorry", did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Oh, my bad. I thought I was "Conversing" with an INTELLIGENT person, I'll try to "Dumb It Down" just for YOU!

In YOUR case, You will be entering your SECOND "Childhood", BEFORE emerging from YOUR FIRST ONE!

I don't know what "Your Issue" is, but it appears to be a combination of PATHETIC & STUPID!

It's "Funny" when I try to explain stuff that you're TOO STUPID to "Understand"!

Were you born this dumb, or did THE DRUGS "Do" it?

I apologize for going above YOUR "Level of Comprehension" with this insult!

No, no. I'm paying attention, it takes a moment for me to "Figure-Out" what you are TRYING to "Say", due to your OWN STUPIDITY!

Please keep speaking, I ALWAYS "Roll My Eyes" when I am forcing myself to "Listen" to somebody who is STUPID!

It's amazing to see how you don't allow "Facts" to stand in the way of YOUR "Stupid Beliefs"!

Oh, you don't enjoy being treated the way you treat "Others? That must be AWFUL!

I'm listening to your "Story", I am just excited to get to the part where you "Shut The Fuck Up"!

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, I was distracted by the fact that I really don't "Care" about YOU, or what you are "Talking About"!

Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer!

If I were a dog and you were a flower, I'd lift my leg up and give you a shower!

You're "The Life" of EVERY "Party", the LOW LIFE!

I'm sorry for the "Cruel" & "Horrible", and TRUE things I said about YOU!

Silence may or may not be "Golden", but in YOUR case, it is CERTAINLY a "Relief"!

My "Deepest Desire" is for us to be BETTER STRANGERS!

I'm sorry that you mistook me for a person who cares about you!

Life is great, "You" should GET one!

You should be THANKFUL that I am using "Small & Simple" words, and talking "Slowly", just so that a person with YOUR "Mental Shortcomings", can participate in this "Conversation"!

Can I ignore you later? I have other things do "Do" right now!

I apologize if MY "Superior Intelligence" upsets you.

You're SO UGLY that "Your Portraits" HANG THEMSELVES!

I'm sorry that I upset you by calling you a "Hoe". I assumed that you were ALREADY AWARE of your "Social Status"!

You're like a "Slinky", not really good for anything, but fun when pushed down the stairs!

I apologize if my "Insensere persona" towards you came off as "Fake", I'll work on that.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology

My apologies for doing anything that gave you the "False Impression" that YOUR "Feelings" are an actual concern to me!

The KEY WORD here is "Timing", when you START "Speaking", I STOP "Listening"!

It's NOT "Just You", being a COMPLETE LOSER is "More Common" than you think!

You just "Blew" your ENTIRE VOCAULARY in that one single PATHETIC "Rant"!

You need to have a "Reality Check" with that CLOWN you see in the mirror!

I am curious by the way you styled your hair. How did you make it come out of your nose like that?

YOU need a "High Five", in the FACE with a CHAIR!

I'm the type of person who LAUGHS at "Mistakes", so sorry if I "Laugh" at YOUR FACE!

You look like YOUR FACE caught fire and somebody tried to "Put It Out" with an AXE!

You're like the first slice of bread; "Touched", but NOT "Wanted"!

I'm not saying that I don't like you, what I AM saying is that I would unplug YOUR "Life Support System" to make a pot of coffee!

You could create GREAT "Joy & Relief" just by LEAVING A ROOM!

You haven't changed "One Bit", and "That" REALLY SUCKS!

All problems are "Fixable" when it's "Worth" it, but in YOUR "Case", it's NOT!

It seems like your creator didn't waste time on giving YOU a "Personality"!

Your face can be covered up with a "Bag", but that STILL won't solve your "Personality Issue"!

If I wanted to fall from a "Great Height", I could just crawl up to "Your Ego" and jump to "Your I.Q."!

Anyone who would "Hang Out" with you would have to be MORE than "Lonely", they would have to be DESPERATE, or perhaps they see you as a "Charity Case"?

You were on my mind today. It reminded me to empty the GARBAGE!

With a "Face" like YOURS, who needs MADE UP "Monsters"?

If someone could "Choke on Shit", how do you keep YOUR "Airwaves" clear?

I'd call you a "Piece of Shit", but why waste my time stating THE OBVIOUS?

You can always hop off "Your" EGO whenever you feel suicidal!

The "Best Part" of OUR friendship is that "We" DON'T HAVE ONE!

I'd call you an idiot, but that would be insulting for all the idiots out there!

The ONLY "Positive Impact" that YOU could make is as an ORGAN DONER!

I WOULD "Slap" you, but THAT would be ABUSE of a "Mentally Challenged" person!

Even though I can "Describe" your stupidity TO you, I am unable to "Interpret" it FOR you!

You're like the HUMAN version of "Athlete's Foot", ANNOYING, and HARD to GET RID OF!

Being a "Smart Ass" infers being "Smart", so YOU are a DUMB ASS!

I only avoid severing you in half because I "Don't Want" TWO of you around!

What doesn't "Kill" YOU, is a disappointment to EVERYONE ELSE!

THOUSANDS of "Sperm", and YOURS was the FASTEST?

Please step away from any "Open Flames", because the aroma of "Burning Shit" DISGUSTS me!

You can be "Many Things" but "Attractive" AIN'T ONE of them!

I've met individuals like you, but usuelly it involved paying for entry to a CIRCUS FREAK SHOW!

I'm sure that your parents "Change the Topic" when YOU come up in conversation!

Beauty is on the "Surface" but Ugliness is "Bone Deep". Unfortunately YOU are UGLY on the "Surface" AND to "The Bone"!

Don't move or speak, I'm trying to "Picture" you with a personality!

You are NOT being "Insulted", you are being "Described", UNFORTUNATELY the "Description" is VERY SAD INDEED!

Do you recall when I requested your opinion? Because I CAN'T!

If you don't like me, that's alright. I think YOU are a CREEP, so I guess it ALL "Evens Out"!

The world is ALREADY "Overrun with Garbage", so GO BACK HOME!

[ Fun "E" $#iT ]